My girl is one

Dear Tahnee,

I remember back in August 2009, Daddy, the boys and I were living out in the middle of nowhere in our tiny little pub. We were super busy all the time, getting our business up and running and the boys definitely kept me on my toes. Your brother Jye was getting close to turning one and he was starting to sleep better at night. I spent lots of time with my friend Karin too, we spent many mornings walking the country roads in the sunshine.

I was still breastfeeding Jye and he became really fussy about his milk, he started feeding less btu I didn't think too much of it. I had just gone to the doctor and he put the implanon implant into my arm because Daddy and I decided we would like to wait before we tried for another baby.

Karin and I went into town one day and at the new age shop(or the hippy shop as Daddy liked to call it) they were doing Aura readings. It has always been something that I thought would be fun to try, so I had mine done and the women was very accurate describing my personality. She stopped abrubtly at one point, and asked me if I had lost a baby recently. When I told her no, she said it was odd because there was a little girl with pigtails dancing around in circles around me.

Fast forward a week and I had been feeling a bit out of sorts, I sent Daddy to town to get me a pregnancy test, even though I was sure that there was no way I could be pregnant. I tested as soon as he got home. I kid you not, there were two lines there before I had turned the test over. Daddy and I were in shock, of course we were happy, but we weren't sure how we would juggle pregnancy and a business. Especially since I wanted to give birth to you at home.

Our pregnancy went smoothly, you made me feel a bit sick but otherwise I felt fantastic. It was on the 15th of December that I went for my ultrasound and found out that you were a beautiful baby girl! I had to keep pinching myself because after 4 boys I didn't think it would be possible to have a girl!! Karin and I went straight to the shop and I bought your first pink outfit.

The rest of my pregnancy seemed to go on and on forever, we just could not wait to meet you. You and I and the two little boys came to Perth to wait for you to arrive, with Daddy and the big boys following us when we reached 39 weeks. We stayed at your Aunty Mandy and Uncle Andrew's house, this is the house where you were going to be born.

Two days before your due date, I knew you were starting to get ready to come earthside. You were very quiet in my tummy, occassionally giving me a nudge to let me know you were ok, just resting in preparation to meet us. I was having contractions, maybe every 30 minutes and I texted our midwife, Mel, and Karin, who was coming to take photos of your birth. I told them it wouldn't be that night, it would definitely be tomorrow and to have a good sleep because it would be a long day.

I contracted all night long and by about 6am things were ramping up. You were sooo quiet in there, I wondered how fast you were going to come. We spent a lot of the morning pacing around in my furry pink dressing gown and slippers in the backyard. It was really funny, but every time I walked past the fish pond, I would have a massive contraction. It makes sense to me now, you love the water!

Around lunch time I got into the pool and it was blissful. I think you liked the warmth too because I felt you wriggling around. By 2.30 you were ready to meet us and after a few short pushes you were born into water. I had to look around for you as the water was cloudy with vernix, but I saw your mass of black hair and scooped you up into my arms. Daddy's first words were 'wow, she looks just like Owen' and the first thing I did was check between your legs to make sure you really were a girl!

You've been such a joy over this last year. You were a terrible sleeper though and I think I spent a few nights crying because I was just so so tired. We got there in the end with some tears from both of us. Now you sleep pretty well and some nights you still wake once or twice, it's way better than every hour like you use to do!

You have come ahead in leaps and bounds, even though your so teeny tiny for your age. You started to walk before your first birthday, but you prefer to walk along on your knees until you get to one of us, pull yourself up with our pant leg and give our leg a big cuddle.

Whenever you get told something is hot, you blow it. Even the heater.

You hate sweet food and prefer savoury things. Not like you Mummy at all!

You were a Mummy's girl and wouldn't let me out of your sight. Now you are totally smitten with your Daddy, and he is just as smitten with you. I don't mind, I love seeing you both snuggling with each other.

You are starting to talk now, you can say Dad, Mum, Hi, Bye and No(and Poppy witnessed you saying that one!!).

You get super excited when you hear your Nanny and Poppy's voices. You bounce and clap and throw your arms out for them to catch you. Sometimes you do it without us being prepared and we have to juggle you to stop you from falling.

You are also attracted to water, any little puddle and you are right there in the middle of it. I've even had you crawl into the shower fully clothed when I accidently left the door open one time.

When you smile, your whole face smiles. You show all your teeth and your little nose and eyes crinkle up. It melts us every single time.

You have RED HAIR. We never saw that one coming. You get that from your Pop and his mum and dad. They are Irish.

Each and every one of your brothers adore you. They will fight with each other over toys and food(yes, I do feed them but they always want what the others have!), but when it comes to you, they will gladly share whatever it is with you. They smother you in kisses and cuddles and carry you around. You are the little princess, that's for sure. When you were born and Jayden first met you, he told the midwife that you were his baby sister and he was going to make sure no-one is ever mean to you or hurt you. I bet he will live by that. They love you sooooo much.

And I love you, my baby girl. The daughter that I never thought I would ever get to have. You came at the most unexpected time in our lives, but Daddy and I both agree that we wouldn't trade you for anything.

Love you with all of my heart and soul,

Mummy

On the up!

Things are on the up financially. I was recently offered a job in an engineering firm in a Human Resources role. What experience have I got in HR? Diddly squat to be honest, but they are willing to train me so that I can gain a tertiary qualification and learn on the job at the same time. Then after completing the training I'll become the HR Manager. Seems too good to be true huh? Well it gets even better. I went in with no expectations on how much they would be paying me because I was looking at studying HR next semester if we could manage it financially. So any money would be a bonus, I'd be getting paid to learn instead of paying to learn. You can imagine my reaction when I received my offer of employment in my inbox and it showed a figure that was MORE than what the hubby(who is a Bar Supervisor at a casino)is currently earning. Yeah. Thankfully the hubby was at work at the time and missed the squealing and booty shaking that ensued.

As exciting as all this is, I do have a little anxiety. Not about the job, that I can handle. It's more about the kids and leaving them. Tahnee will be doing 1-2 days a week at daycare and she absolutely hates strangers. She even cries when my mum even looks her way. I've had to sort of detach myself from her, which breaks my heart. After working a week in a reception job(and that's another post entirely, what a nightmare that was!), I was still breastfeeding in the morning and at night and expressing for her midday bottle. Well. After only 3 days I couldn't express more than 50ml and we made the choice to give her formula during the day instead. Yes, I cried. I wasn't ready but I had to think of her health and wellbeing. She loves her milk, and we still get a cuddle in the wee hours of the morning when I breastfeed her, so not all is lost.

Another thing that is bothering me is the hubby's job. He works full time at night and his days and hours change week to week. To make it worth our while, we need to keep the kids out of daycare as much as possible and it's going to be a bit of a struggle(though some of the pressure will be off next year when Owen is at school full time). The hubby is confident that we will manage, I suppose he is right and if we can get through the next 3 – 4 years, we can get through anything.

Why am I going back to work, you ask? Well 4 boys and a husband eat A LOT. Hehe. We are feeling the strain on one income with 5 kids and the cost of living is rising. Buying our first home is high on the priority list and now that I am working, it seems achievable! We don't want to worry about living from pay check to pay check and to have savings put away for the first time in my adult life would be AMAZING. I have struggled so much over the last 10 years, I had my first baby when I was only 18 and a drop kick of a partner who couldn't hold down a job and had a drug addiction. Then I was a single mum to two kids. I had a spat of casual jobs when I got with my hubby, but I've had 3 babies in 3 years, and we had our own business, where all our money went into it(and we are still paying off some debt now, but once it's gone, we are completely debt free!).

I imagine this will be a stressful time ahead, but fun and challenging and I'm sure plenty to blog about!

Time is running away...

This time last year, I was 400km from home and waiting for my beautiful little girl to come earthside. I remember hoping that she would wait until 39 weeks so that the hubby would be here on time to be at her birth. My in laws were fantastic to put up with me and 2 very active toddler boys, it was so hard to be away from hubby and the older boys for 3 weeks though. Thankfully baby girl waited until the day before her due date to arrive, and whilst it wasn't a difficult birth, I don't think I could have done it without the hubby there.

In less than 4 weeks time, that tiny baby girl is turning one. Where on earth has one year gone?! She is such a sweet little thing - still so small at 7.5kg. The cuddles she gives are the BEST, her little head snuggles in on my neck and her little hand reaches over my shoulder to pat my back. Daddy is flavour of the month at the moment, she cries when he walks out the door to go to work.

Now she is cruising the furniture, standing unaided. The high chair is the best thing to push around the floor so she can walk to where she wants to go. And FOOD! She is the best eater! Everything we eat, she devours. Unfortunately she is having some formula during the day. It broke my heart to do it but being at work during the day, I couldn't express enough milk and it's slowly dwindling away :( However, I still get full at night so I feed her during the night now. As much as I wish she would sleep through the night, I do love that she is still getting milk from me.

It just astounds me at how many new things she is learning, it seems like every day she does something new and it's frightening how fast she is growing. I'm sure my boys never grew this fast!!

In hiding..

Me? Avoiding my blog? What makes you say that???

Ok, so maybe I have been avoiding writing a blog post and as per usual, I am super busy. My at home business has picked up and orders are rolling in(along with a special order for 4 flower girl dresses that drove me completely batty! Never again am I working with satin and chiffon!). So I spend most of my time chained to my machine. I've even neglected the gym. *sob*

Are you wondering how my weight loss is going? well I can tell you that it's been slow. I didn't lose one week, gained 100g the next(and then my period turned up the next day - first one since Tahnee was born), and then after a week of junk food, I managed to lose 700g! Now I'm sitting on 79.1kg. So I'm getting there, ever so slowly. Due to financial reasons, I've had to come off Lite n Easy for a few weeks and I am struggling bad. It's just too easy to order in pizza when I am flat out busy. Or hubby will cook dinner for the kids before he leaves for work at 5pm and I'll grab some toasted cheese sandwiches when I'm hungry. I'm amazed I lost weight last week. I don't think I will be so lucky this week. I do have a personal training session tomorrow, I am so scared of getting my butt whipped.

In other news, I was offered a full time job today and *gulp* I've decided to take it. It's for a family run travel company that is rapidly expanding. I'll be doing the reception and taking bookings, making up itineraries and confirming accommodation,etc. I was very impressed by the company and where it's headed, but already my stomach is twisting into knots over the fact that I have to leave my kids 5 days a week.

For this to be any benefit, we can't put the kids into full time day care, the cost of day care for 3 kids full time and 2 kids in after school care is ridiculous. We'd be better off me staying at home in that case. So the hubby needs to mind the kids a few days, and he also works night shift, I'm not sure how this will pan out, but he reckons it's doable. The littlies will still go to day care maybe 2 days a week. I have anxiety about putting bub into day care, she is super clingy to me and the hubby and cries when other people hold her. She lasted about 40 minutes at the gym creche. *sigh*

Of course, I need to do this. We are just making ends meet and I am so sick of worrying about money. I want to buy a house once we've finished paying off our debt from the pub and that won't happen unless we have two incomes(yeah it's not always good having such a big family).

So that's what's been happening in my neck of the woods, I will TRY to blog again soon!

Weigh in Week 9(take 2) and week 10

I jumped a bit ahead of myself when I posted last, it should have been week 8 not week 9.

So I haven't had huge losses at all the last couple of weeks, I ate out more than I should have and didn't exercise enough because the hubby was working day shift and Tahnee does not like being left in the creche one single bit!

Week 9 saw me with a 500g loss. Not much I know, BUT....my weight was 79.9kg!!!! I DID IT! I made it under 80kg which was my first goal!!!! It's been my goal for, oh, about 4 to 5 years now and finally I have smashed it! Kissing the 80s goodbye FOREVER.

Week 10, more bad food and no exercise(well less than week 9) and I lost 200g, down to 79.7kg.

This week I have no excuses, so I expect a good loss. I hope. But I feel reassured that I can have days off and not pile the weight back on.

Weigh In - Week 9

At least, I think I'm at week 9.

Well, I was thinking that I'd have a great loss over the last week with all the exercise and mostly healthy eating. On Monday, I did Aero Boxing. Tuesday, I did Zumba not once, but TWICE(one in the morning and one at night). Wednesday, I did Boxing. Thursday, I did Zumba - yes I love Zumba if you didn't already know. Friday, I did Strike Zone(martial arts). So LOTS of exercise. Each class was for an hour, that 6 hours of exercise.

I hopped on the scales today and I lost a measly 200g. After all that. It was my most active week and my smallest loss to date.

I am now down to 80.4kg. A total loss of 6.8kg since Jan 1st.

So that was pretty depressing and I had to refrain myself from devouring every single biscuit in the pantry. Instead I took my measurements as they were due to be done today. I must say that I was pretty pleased with the results and I will just blame the small loss on gaining muscle.

My first measurements were on the 1st of Jan.


Waist - 102.5cm to 95.5cm - 7cm lost
Bust - 104cm to 102cm - 2cm lost
Chest - 93cm to 86.5cm - 6.5cm lost
Hips - 117cm to 107cm - 10cm lost
Arm - 34cm to 33cm - 1cm lost
Thigh - 62.5cm to 54cm - 8.5cm lost

In total, 35cm gone in 9 weeks.

Ok, so I can't really complain about that. Weighing myself was always my way of seeing if I've lost weight, I never really gave the measurements a second thought(and most of the time I would just not bother measuring). So there's the proof that I AM slimming down now.

BTW, I had plans to blog during the week but still haven't finished my post yet. Argh!

Can you tell?

Ok so not the greatest quality photo(the second one, I took it at night on my iphone in the bathroom!).

Can you see the difference in 8kg? The first photo was taken exactly 2 years ago today. I went and dug out the same top and same pants. The pants are getting loose now, they start to fall down and they are loose around the thighs. They were tight to the point where I was uncomfortable in the first picture.

I notice my arms are thinner. The stripes on the top sit closer together and it's actually a little loser around the boobs too. But then my boobs don't seem to sag as much now as they did.

It was good to put the two pictures together like this. I need the visual to see that there has been changes in my body because when I look in the mirror, I just look the same to me. So I'll be keeping this set of clothes for a while so I can keep comparing myself as I get smaller.

88kg wasn't my biggest weight, I was actually bigger than that after Tahnee was born. But I would have been around this at Christmas time.

Anyway, I just had to share this because I am so excited with my weight and how close I am to achieving one of my goals - to break through the 70s and kiss goodbye the 80s forever!!