Until I hit that magical number - 79kg.
My goal to be under 80kg has been one that I've had for maybe 5 years now. I got close. Many times. Usually I would fall pregnant and end up gaining all the weight I lost plus some. 79 was the magic number and I FINALLY made it there. Suddenly I felt a bit lost. It was kind of like the big build up of planning and excitement of your wedding day, the big day arrives and it's AMAZING. Then the next day you feel a bit lost and empty because there's nothing left to plan. So that's how I felt when I hit 79.
I have lost my way.
Om NOM NOM NOM
My old eating habits are creeping back. Why oh WHY did they have to open a Baskin Robbins right down the road when they know that I could eat my weight in Choc Chip Cookie Dough ice cream?! I have no self control and no discipline and I HATE MYSELF FOR IT. Whenever I put something bad into my mouth I will justify it by saying that I'll go for a jog on the treadmill tonight. But I don't.
The down side to gaining full time work is that I don't have TIME to go to the gym any more. I leave home at 6.30am to get to work, I get home around 3.30pm and the hubby is out the door at 4.30pm to go to his work. The treadmill only get used at night because I have little people with curious little fingers that I'd like for them to keep attached to their little hands. Getting 5 children, 3 of them who are 4 years old or younger, out of the house to go for a walk is impossible. I stop ever 5 seconds to tie shoelaces, look at bugs, console a screaming baby who would rather walk herself. I'm not sure what else to do. I do miss going to the gym, but I think that's more the social aspect because I doubt any normal person actually loves exercise.
It's really depressing. My body is in a terrible state after 5 kids and being overweight. I have an APRON made of tummy skin, people!! It is ugly, uncomfortable and makes me look a dress size or two bigger than I am. The chances of it just going away is pretty slim I would imagine. The more weight I lose, the more stretchy and saggy the skin is. At this point in time, I am seriously considering getting it removed once I reach my goal weight. Maybe this is why I am sabotaging myself? I have no idea.
In a nutshell, I'm in the poo and I have no idea how to get myself out!